Getting Nerdly With The New Fall Season

Well, folks, the new fall season is about to start and unlike you guys, I am a nut for television. Sometimes I am that nerd that knows so many details, you can’t talk to me about it and sometimes I’m that girl that’s crying because Izzie and Denny didn’t end up together. I run the gamut. Anyway, I’m picking the shows that will succeed or fail based solely on the previews (I mean, hell, that’s what you use to pick the shows you’ll watch) and I always give every new show at least 3 episodes to prove me right.

The new fall season will not be as full of new shows as the past seasons, mainly because of the writer’s strike, which was totally worth it because now they make a whole dollar on new shows after the first week of viewing, which, as you all know, is about a week after we’ve watched them.*

So, if you want to know what’s going on for the upcoming fall season, read on. Well, sometimes I’ll tell you about the show and sometimes, I’ll just talk out of my ass. That’s what I’m good for.

CBS

The Mentalist - Simon Baker is Patrick Jane, a detective and consultant with the CBI with a razor sharp skills of observation. He’s also a jerk, which seems to work when guys are smarter than you want them to be. If he’s not better than Shawn Spencer, I’m writing in for this show to be cancelled. Sept. 23 - This is getting cancelled.

The Ex-List - Elizabeth Reaser is Bella Bloom, and instead of being Alex’s one true love on Grey’s Anatomy, she has her own show and is searching for the ex that is “the one”. Well, at least that’s what her psychic said. Oh, yeah, and she has a year to find him or lose him forever - which makes me wonder… have the writers figured out how to keep this concept going? Instead of being a comedy, this is a one hour dramady. Oct. 3 - This is getting cancelled

Worst Week - One man wrecking crew? We like the sound of that! A guy tries to impress his girlfriend’s parents and fails miserably. Which is what normally happens when a guy falls for a girl and tries to impress her family. A new CBS comedy? We can’t wait. Sept. 22 - This is not getting cancelled

Gary Unmarried - Jay Mohr is a single father of two who must deal with being divorced and finding love again. Sounds boring, but we hope Mohr can keep it going. We don’t think he will. Sept. 24 - This is getting cancelled

Eleventh Hour - Ahhh, someone has said, “screw supernatural crime! People are committing scientific crimes everyday!” And sometimes, those scientific crimes can be very supernatural in nature. Stars Rufus Sewell, who is very smart, but apparently not as big a jerk as Simon Baker’s character. Oct. 9 - This is not getting cancelled

Harper’s Island - Technically a midseason show, Harper’s Island is some kind of murder mystery. A destination wedding on a picturesque island that was once the site of a homicidal maniac’s murderous rampage leads to more murder. Is the killer one of the group? Midseason - This is not getting a full season pickup.



ABC

Life on Mars - Based on the BBC series of the same name, a cop chasing a serial killer gets hit by a car and wakes up in 1973. Is he dead, is he in hell, is he in a coma? We don’t know. Hopefully, we will care or that show is out of here! Oct. 9 - This is not getting cancelled

Pushing Daisies - Returning series that only got out half a season before the writer’s strike. A hilarious season with nice comedic turns by Chi McBride and Kristin Chenoweth. It’s 9 episodes in - which is new enough. You should watch it. Oct. 1 - This better not get cancelled

Scrubs - Not appreciated by NBC audiences, the funny show is moving to ABC. Let’s hope the humour stays the same. Midseason - This is not getting cancelled



NBC

My Own Worst Enemy -Christian Slater is a spy who has a chip planted in his brain (a la the Manchurian Candidate) that separates his suburban father alter ego from his superspy alter ego. The drama unfolds when the chip begins to malfunction and his identities begin to slap fight. Oct. 13 - This is not getting cancelled

Knight Rider - The not so great made for tv movie was a backdoor pilot for the new series. May eventually contain the Hoff himself - which makes me breath a nerdly sign of relief. The cheese returns! Sept. 24 - This is not getting cancelled

Kath and Kim - a comedy about a dysfunctional mother and daughter and their adventures in suburbia. Starring Molly Shannon and Selma Blair, I’m interested in seeing how they make Molly Shannon look old enough to have given birth to Selma Blair. Oct. 9 - This is getting cancelled

Heroes 3 hour premiere event - which usually means a one hour “how did we get here” special, the last episode and the new episode. Hopefully, it’s not a pop up video. The Lost one was annoying as hell - but that was Disney owned ABC. Sept. 22

SNL Weekend Update Thursday - The SNL comedy series takes on the 2008 presidential elections. Yippee. I thought we got enough presidential election humour from CNN and Fox. Oct. 9

Crusoe - The classic Lost tale is brought to life for NBC. NBC pulled out all the stops to make this series. I wonder if he will get off and if they will discover what the smoke monster actually is, because Lost really let me down in that respect. Oct. 17 - This is getting cancelled (thanks to nymag.com for the scoop - I still think Knight Rider will succeed because people like procedurals)



Fox

Bones has 2 hour premiere Sept. 3 - I love this show, worth a mention and a look, plus they will be in London for the premiere. *waggles eyebrows suggestively*

Prison Break 2 hour premiere Sept. 1 - I could give a fuck about this show, but it is one that people like. Strange, crazy people.

Fringe - J.J. Abrams has a new sci-fi thriller drama. Fringe has found the Lost Plane. I’m sure it will all tie in together. Despite the fact that Joshua Jackson from Dawson’s Creek is in it, I think it will succeed! 90 minute premiere Sept. 9 - This is not getting cancelled

Do Not Disturb - A comedy starring Jerry O’Connell about a ritzy hotel run by a sleazy womanizer and a black woman, each having a totally different take on running a hotel and who totally fall into stereotypes we hoped we’d grown to avoid. Sept. 10 - This shit is getting cancelled



The CW

90210 - Reimagined or 2.0, this series is about a family who moves to the ritzy zip code after the father gets a job as principal at West Beverly Hills High School. Two hour season premiere, September 2 - This is not getting cancelled

Privileged - A girl becomes the tutor to two spoiled twins. It looks stupid, but so did Gossip Girl and I still watch it with a warm bowl of popcorn like it’s porn. (that means I will probably be ashamed of myself for watching it). Sept. 9 - This is not getting cancelled

Surviving Surburbia - Bob Saget vehicle about new neighbors who immediately sue their neighbors. I assume it’s a comedy. Midseason - This is nonsense

Valentine - Greek gods in disguise bring people together without revealing that they are deities. Sept. 21 - This was a book

Easy Money - A drama about a family that runs a shady high interest loan business and the son that wants to make it legit. Lauri Metcalfe of Roseanne fame stars. Sunday, Sept. 21. - This looks idiotic



Midseason

Bad Mother Handbook (ABC)

Mugan Mullally, Alicia Silverston, Alia Shawkat - A mother must take care of her teenage daughter and her mother. Where’s George Michael created sexual tension when you need him?

Dollhouse (Fox)

Penikett finds a new show now that Battlestar Galactica threatens to end and shoots itself in the face with that god awful non revelatory midseason finale. Joss Whedon returns to television (but not with Firefly like we wish. And by “we” I mean me) with Eliza Dushku for a show about human beings who have no memories and are programmed to be whatever the lab wants. January 2009 - This will become a full season show.

Kings (NBC)

A modern day retelling of David and Goliath (and we know how that ended for Goliath) about a soldier who saves a king and has his life inextricably intertwined with the king and his daughter. Which sounds exactly nothing like David and Goliath, but does sound a lot like David and Saul.





*This information is totally not true. I’m picking at the drama as well as how little they got while at the same time applauding them for standing up for themselves as writers.

Trailer Trash Does Drugs

College - I thought there would be drugs in this one, but there was only stupidity. Moving on!

The Wackness - You know how you always knew the guy selling ice cream in December was really selling drugs? This movie proves it - on a smaller scale. Ben Kingsley loves drugs.

Kabluey - I think I should be taking drugs to understand this movie. However, if things hold true to course, Jeffery Dean Morgan will die in this movie too (cf. Grey's Anatomy, Supernatural).

Burn After Reading - Someone was on drugs when they did Brad Pitt's hair. Spies from different spy movies star (George Clooney, Tilda Swinton). It's supposed to be a comedy, but I'll bet James Bond was mad as hell he didn't get asked. And Jason Bourne, although he is trying to get out of the game.

Transsiberian - This movie has drugs in it, but it also has Woody Harrelson, which means it isn't as good as the drugs imply. It does have Ben Kingsley, and you know that means he's coming with the good ish.


The House Bunny - Another movie in a long line of "had to be on drugs to make this movie"

Choke- Maybe it's because I like Rockwell or hate Kelly McDonald or think Chuck Palahniuk is just okay or really like the song by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Satan Said Dance. I don't know, but that Satan character is most assuredly on drugs.

Pineapple Express - I know Pineapple Express conjures images of choo-choo trains and Kung Fu Panda, but in actuality, this is a movie about weed. And not the kind you have to pull from the ground, but the kind you want to pull from the ground, roll up and smoke. Still, Trailer Trash says stay off the pot, kids, or you could end up like James Franco. Hot as hell.

Psych: Ebony and Ivory

When Psych debuted in the summer of 2006, I thought it could be an interesting show. As the season continued, snarky 80s pop culture references, an excellent but barely use Dule Hill (who plays Gus), and an interesting father (Corbin Bernson does crotchety well)/young Shawn dynamic did very little to make the childish antics of an older Shawn (played like a bottle of shaken up pop by James Roday) funny to me.

Because I have a slight obsession with watching series I start all the way through (unless they are rubbish) I finished out the Psych season (which only lasted like 13 or 15 episodes). I was sure would not be following James Roday into a second season.

Yet on a particularly boring Friday in the summer of 2007, I found myself turning back to Psych. The second season presented a toned down Shawn, more of an appearance from Gus as he moves into the Psych offices, an expansion of the other characters (played with silly charm by Kirsten Nelson, Timothy Omundson, and Maggie Lawson) who received an extra dimension, bringing them each to 3 dimensions total, and a storyline that forced Shawn to contront his own childishness (don't worry, he didn't change). Without Shawn acting like he was auditioning for the next Bozo (God rest his soul), the humour became funnier, subtler, bearable. It is still, at best, a mediocre show, yet is deserves the space on your DVR for a lazy Sunday afternoon viewing. Psych Season 3 premiers Friday, July 18, 2008 at 10pm.

Swingtown

CBS has a new show called Swingtown. Starring Jack Davenpart and Molly Parker, Swingtown tells the story of Bruce and Susan Miller who move on up out of their first small surburban home to that big surburban home by the lake. Yes, Bruce got a raise and moves his family, leaving behind his wife's best friend, Janet and her husband Roger. It is a clash of cultures and the willingness to experiment that has the Millers getting it on with pilot Tom Decker and his wife Trina as the true nature of the show's name exhibits itself. It's not just about the adults, but also the burgeoning relationship of the children as well. Smart Laurie Miller wants her summer school teacher and young BJ is falling for the enigmatic young girl next door who makes a habit of running away.

That's the storyline in a nutshell, but the show tries to explore the effects on the characters of the excesses and flaws of the 70s. The show takes place in 1976. In 1976, I was only a few months old - far to young to know what was going on in the world. Thanks to CBS' acquisition of last.fm, I get to hear the songs of that period, most of which I am already familiar with, anytime I want to online. Yet despite it's trendy references to Dylan, the show feels as if it has been hamstringed in what it's trying to do.

The show was originally created to be on HBO, but because it was already filled with intimacy ladened shows (Californication, Big Love and a new show in development called Hung), HBO passed and CBS swooped in for the kill. The creator, Mike Kelley, and director, Alan Poul feel the move made the show better. "When we sat down to rewrite the script, it was actually less difficult, less painful and more rewarding than we'd anticipated," says Poul. "We came out with something stronger." Kelley adds: "It just allowed us to be freer to explore the characters without having to make as much happen in the bedroom. It's about the relationships that develop outside of the sexual moments. It's refreshing, frankly." (quote via Newsweek online)

So, with a show so free to show the emotions involved, why does the show feel so stilted. It's taking too long to get to some moments (I feel this way particularly about the relationship between Laurie and her teacher) and it's too top heavy on the honesty part, making me know that at some moment in the show, honesty will not be involved and this whole thing will crumble like the bad idea it is to invite someone other than your spouse in the bed with you.

But in the name of good natured fun, let's take a closer look at the show.

I finished watching Cabin Fever, the fourth episode of the 13 episodes ordered for this series and I'm sorry to say that not enough sex was had. And the sexual tension between Roger and Susan needs to come to a... head. No pun intended, but now that it's out there, I actually like it. Bruce seems so dorky and I suspect a bit insincere, but I like the fact that when asked by his beautiful neighbor Trina how many women he'd been with, his response was 2 (if you haven't watched it, that's his wife and Trina from their foursome of the first episode). In this day and age, how many people can say that? Very damn few. Of course, they didn't have the STD worry we have now, but I digress. Also, the Janet character is so uptight that making her friends with

I read Alan Sepinwall's post and his main complaint is that the psychological consequences are not fully explored because the sexual sequences are not fully shown. I mean, can you imagine, you and your spouse in bed for the first time with another couple? Him touching another woman with her watching? Him watching another man touch his wife? The first time she sees him kiss another woman or another man, feeling someone elses hand on your body...

Is it getting hot in here?

What I'm saying is seeing that and how you react, even if you're into it, reveals a lot about the characters and not being able to show that someone cheapens the show.

And what the hell is going on with little BJ and the neighbor girl? And does BJ's best friend, Rick (the son of neighbors left behind) have a crush on him or something? There is just an awkwardness to how that relationship and interaction is being written/directed. And how in the hell did the name BJ get by everyone who looked at this script about a show dealing primarily with sex?

I just don't know.

Will I keep watching Swingtown? Yes, mainly because I hate most reality shows (unless it involves cooking or superheroes) and there isn't much to hold my attention at the moment. Also, because I'm hoping to see something different. Where we are now is a direct result of what we did then. How will they connect the past with the future? Will they even try? Or will this be more or less a dry hump of a show, trying to get us there, but never really satisfying? Unless they get cancelled, only time will tell.

Who is the 5th and Final Cylon? Part 2

After some discussion with my crew, we've decided that this whole midseason finale thing is just wrong. Sci-Fi should be taken out back and shot and some other entity steps in and brings our show back after a SHORT hiatus for the purpose of refining the remaining episodes.

Because they need to refine.

I don't know what that shite was that they showed us on that last Friday, that Friday that was supposed to keep us in suspense for nearly half a year. What I do know is that they didn't tell us a gods damn thing we didn't already know. And what the FRAK is that Earth they took us to. I mean, by the time I saw the devastation, I didn't care.

So, as a final check, did we:
1. Learn who the 5th Cylon was? No
2. Get to Earth? Check
3. Like the Earth they got to? No
4. Care if they lived or died at this point? No
5. Feel like Unboxing the Deanna was pointless? Check
6. Still believe Doc Cottle is the 5th Cylon? Check
7. Watching when they bring the show back after an unusually long hiatus (in which they might as well have said we're going to be like Lost and divide this last season into two seasons?) Hells Frak YEAH!

I mean, Check.

Who is the 5th and Final Cylon?

Neo ain't got nothin' on this one! (There be spoilers, people)

The final Cylon is the biggest question resting on my mind tonight. Everything I do today is just me in holding pattern until 10pm when Sci-Fi plays the midseason finale of Battlestar Galactica. It's going to be a big event - though there is only one other person that I hang around that enjoys it as much as I do. So the two of us will be in my living room, eating chips and dip and drinking sodas as we watch and discuss for 2 hours after that this mid season finale.

Speaking of mid season finale, what the frak is up with that? How can you say, "final season" and then split the season in half, ending the season now and starting a new season in 2009? That is a low blow Sci-Fi director of programming and it should be rectified! /rant

So, there are some major names up for the 5th Cylon. Some people thought it might be Laura Roslin, but I believe that her cancer coming back puts her out of the picture. Also, last week's episode had the 3 (a brilliant job from Lucy Lawless by the way) disabusing Roslin of that notion. I said that it HAD to be Adama because that would be the only way that Cylon and Human could get along on the planet Earth now that the Cylons seem to procreate quite regularly (that's 3 skinjob youths on board). However, Ronald Moore said that the 5th Cylon is not a major character. Which makes me glad because I couldn't stand the thought of Gaius Baltar being the last Cylon. We've decided that Gaeta is not the last Cylon, after the whole leg thing and all. (By the way, is ANYBODY going to say something to Anders? A hand slap... anything? And is Starbuck no longer crazy?)

We've decided it's Doc Cottle. He's perfect! He has access to all the blood for testing, he let them get away with getting film of Sharon's baby, he has exclusive access to every single person... I have a feeling we will find out tonight.

So, if you're reading this and you actually watch BSG, what's been your favourite moment so far?

You Won't Like Me When I'm Hungry!

Watched the new Hulk last night. Besides the fact that there was still some old school comic book writing thrown in there, it was amazing. Not as good as Iron Man, but definitely a continuation of how good that movie was overall. The action was unbelievable. My dance crew was laughing at how animated I got. One guy leaned over and said, "It's okay, he lives." It was brutal, in a good way. Plus - Edward Norton, Tim Roth, William Hurt. Minus: Liv Tyler - unless you just wanted eye candy. But I guess if you can't find anyone better to say "Bruce" over and over again, then I can deal! Although the scene with the taxi - now that's what I'm talking about. A friend of mine said that he liked the drawing/cgi of the 2003 Hulk better than this one, but now that I've looked at pictures, I disagree. I mean, it is possible that the 2003 Hulk looks like something someone could turn into, but the 2003 Hulk also looks like somebody's big head in a foam rubber muscle suit. I'm just saying. Anyway, this is a must see, especially if you're getting all excited about that Avengers movie coming out in 2011.

So, if you saw the Hulk, what was the cheesiest moment for you?

A Send Up For a Send Off

A eulogy for a comedian shouldn’t be a serious thing. It should be full of something and that something should make me laugh. Of course, it’s hard to laugh when someone dies, but not when they’re as funny as Harvey Korman.

Dueling Pianos



The thing about Harvey Korman was that he could never keep it together. I used to watch the Carol Burnett Show just for the fun of seeing him laugh at Tim Conway. I watched a PBS special on Carol Burnett and she said that Tim Conway would ad lib once everyone was in front of the audience and so no one knew what to expect when they were live. Harvey Korman never knew what to expect and it got him everytime.



On her PBS Special, Carol Burnett talked about how she almost fired Harvey Korman, but if she had, we would have missed the genius that he was.



I found this one too and it made me laugh knowing the true nature of what was going on.



I remember Harvey most from the Carol Burnett show, but that wasn’t all he did. He was with the Danny Kaye show (Danny Kaye of Court Jester fame: The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true!), did a stint as the voice of the Great Gazoo (when I was a kid, I thought that little cartoon alien was sarcastic as hell, but just like Thunder Cats, the reality of it as an adult disappoints - were we just stupid when we were kids?) Anyway, here he is, being interviewed and here's a Great Gazoo treat!



One thing that was true then and is true now, death and all, Harvery Korman was funny and hell and I will miss him.

If You're Watching BSG...

A friend asked me when BSG would be starting again. I feel like I failed him.

For those of you who don't know, this Friday Sci-Fi will air the 7th episode of the first half of the season. The writer's strike delayed the start of the BSG premiere and the break will give the writers time to end the series on the right note. 

So where are we, for those of you who haven't been watching? Spoiler Alert for the purpose of catching you up.

Starbuck returns good as new - not dead as a blown up doornail, as you would expect from her demise in the middle of last season. She's returned and she knows the way to earth. It is a distant sound in her head, a sound that makes President Roslin fear she may be a Cylon. 

Speaking of Cylons, Chief, Colonel Tigh, Anders, and Tory are trying to figure out what it means now that they know they're Cylons. Anders starts freaking out immediately and gets recognized by a raider, who refuses to shoot him. They have their, what appears to be daily, meetings and Callie, who is afraid Chief is having an affair with co-Cylon Tory, follows them to the meeting where she hears that her husband is a skinjob. She wants to throw herself and her half-Cylon (yes! there is another one) out the Airlock, but Tory talks her out of it, gets the baby and then proves herself to be a raving bitch by airlocking Callie by herself. (Yes, true believers, Callie is gone). Chief goes mad with it, cuts off all his hair, yells at Adama until he demotes him (I believe to keep his Cylon ass from destroying any more ships) and is afraid to touch anything until Baltar's asking for forgiveness touches something in him. Also, there is a Civil War going on between the one group (1, 4, 5 and one 8) and another group (2, 6, and the rest of the 8s). It went so far that group one decided to destroy all of group two. 

Starbuck - who is probably not a Cylon - was almost shot by Laura Roslin after Starbuck took her hostage to make her choose whether Laura believed she was a Cylon or herself miraculously returned. This hostage taking upset Adama, but he got over it and put her on a ship to find earth. On that ship, she proceeded to go crazy, scaring her crew. A 2 (Leoben) gets captured with tales of Cylon genocide and a helping hand extended by the remaining Cylons, who are so far from a resurrection ship that death is death now. Starbuck, Sharon (now Athena), Anders and a few others go to the baseship and talk to the Hybrid (see Prophecies below). Meanwhile on the ship that Starbuck left, Helo is hoping they will get back soon while Gaeta (shot by Anders when he was going to jump against Starbuck's wishes) is hoping Doc Cottle won't have to cut off his leg. Just as Helo was going to have to jump, he heard the sweet, sweet sounds of his precious Athena and, as Alan Sepinwall writes, all your basestars are belong to us!

Meanwhile, back at the Galactica, Roslin has lost her hair and is beginning to believe Baltar's BS without the Baltar BS. Baltar is becoming a guru and you would almost believe he's part of the Hybrid's Prophecy (see Prophecies below), except it's much too obvious. Oh yeah, did I mention that Baltar's not only seeing Head 6, but he also saw Head Baltar? He's frakkin' insane with all this one God nonsense.

One Eye Tigh keeps seeing his dead ex-wife everywhere, including in the 6's face, where he lets her beat the ever lovin' hell out of him right before making out with her. Yeah. He's hiding that he's a Cylon real well. 

Hybrid Prophecies: 

From Razor - At last they've come for me. I feel their lives, their destinies spilling out before me. The denial of the one true path, played out on a world not their own, will end soon enough. Soon, there will be four, glorious in awakening. Struggling with the knowledge of their true selves. The pain of revelation bringing new clarity. And in the midst of confusion, he will find her, enemies brought together by impossible longing, enemies now joined as one. The way forward, at once unthinkable, yet inevitable. And the fifth, still in shadow, will claw toward the light, hungering for redemption that will only come in the howl of terrible suffering. I can see them all. The seven now six self-described machines, machines who believe themselves without sin. But in time, it is sin that will consume them. They will know enmity, bitterness, the wrenching agony of the one splintering into the many and then they will join the promised land, gathered on the wings of an Angel. Not and end, but a beginning.

Kara Thrace will lead the human race to its end. She is the herald of the apocalypse, the harbinger of death. They must not follow her. As my own existence comes to a close only to begin anew in ways uncertain. All this has happened before and will happen again. Again. Again. Again. Again.

From season 4 episode 6, Faith - Thus it will come to pass. A dying leader will know the truth of the Opera House. The missing Three will give you the Five who come from the home of the Thirteenth. You are the harbinger of death, Kara Thrace. You will lead them all to their end. End of Line.

Well, what the hell is that supposed to mean?

If my "synopsis" didn't do it for you, you can watch the episodes for free online at scifi.com. 

Online Television, Part Deux

I want to convince everyone to watch tv online. Yes, I know you have a DVR. I know you can watch television anytime you want. But can you watch your DVR when  you're having a slow day at work and want to pass the time? Can you watch your DVR in the Doctor's office - especially if the thought of watching Dr. Phil with these ladies makes you want to vomit? 

The answer to that is a resounding no. 

Oh, I'm not advocating throw away your tv. As an avid sports fan, I'm all about big HD tvs that show you every hit, every bead of sweat, every signal in a crisp clarity that only going to a game can provide. I love the television set. 

But I love the convenience of watching television online even more. If I want to know what's going on with those girls at the Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious house, all I have to do is skip over to http://cwtv.com and check it out. If I want to know what Barney is doing on How I Met Your Mother, I type in http://cbs.com (actually, I just do cbs.com - these sites know my ip address by heart now). Want to catch up on Pushing Daisies? abc.go.com. It's not hard people. All it takes is a set of headphones, a fast internet connection, and a love of television that means you can take it where you go instead of waiting until you get home.

So which sites help you enjoy watching television on the computer and which site makes you want to throw your internet connection out the window? I have a little more research to do before I can let you in on my television on the computer knowledge.

Online Television

I was nearly fed up with CBS because, for the last few weeks when I've tried to catch up on How I Met Your Mother on the website, it would crap out on me right before the video. Fortunately for me and all other online tv viewers, CBS and others have revamped their site to include some very important new features.

Important New Feature #1 - Pause during commercials. Don't tell the sites, but this is the best feature they could have come up with. Oh, you still have to watch the commercial, but gone are the days when running to get a glass of water and coming back to catch your show on time was dangerous (hint: them bitches are 30 seconds long at most). Now, you can pause commercials, get your water (or gin and tonic), and come back safely. Viva la pause button.

Important New Feature #2 - Browser window pause. You know how when it takes too long for a video to load, you go check Gmail or Facebook and can miss the first part of the show while you look through all your tabs for the last location? Well no longer! If you move to another window, you can chat to your heart's content knowing that when you go back to your favourite tv website, it will start for you. Note: Browsers do not pause after that section of the show has started. 

Important New Feature #3 - Synchronicity. Previously, each site was different and hoped to become the leader in online tv viewing. But that just made things difficult as you tried to figure out if actually clicking on the name of  the show would take you somewhere or if you had to find the words "full episodes" before you could watch your favourite show online (and not the frakkin' clips). Now, each site has a hover menu clearly delineating which shows have full episodes and which you can ignore. The viewing windows are roughly the same size and most network sites have full episodes of nearly all of their primetime shows online.

Important New Feature #4 - HD viewing. While this is not technically a new feature, this is a benefit if you want to go full screen. 

All in all, watching tv online is getting so much better. There are, however, a few sites that are making this whole online viewing thing a pain in my ass. More on that tomorrow.

Getting Up To Date

This television season hasn't really gone by fast. It's been short, that's for sure, but it's gone at its normal speed.

No, I'm the one that's been slow. When you miss one episodes, suddenly it steamrolls to 13 and with the short season, it's the end and you didn't know it. Where did all the time go?

I have excuses. I was getting ready for Europe then I was in Europe, then I got back and was sick because it snowed in London, or we had to let someone go at my paying job and I have to take up the slack or gas is 3 dollars and 33 frakkin' cents. Whatever causes our heads to explode (whether with excitement or frustration), that's my excuse.

Now that I've told you the excuses, I have to say, I don't make excuses. Those things are what happened and I'm sorry that I haven't talked about New Amsterdam, American Idol, Pussycat Dolls Presents: Girlicious, America's Next Top Model, The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Saturday Night Live, Lost, Cashmere Mafia, Lipstick Jungle... I wish the list was endless, but I'm just biding my time until we get the final 2-5 shows from our old favourites.

New Amsterdam - Basically, New Amsterdam is the story of a Dutch "raider" who tries to stop some of the other "raiders" from killing the women and children of the Native American tribe that lives on the island that becomes Manhattan and gets stabbed for his efforts. One of the women brings him back to life and tells him he will not die until he finds "the one". So he's lived many lives over hundreds of years (and he's not a vampire) and uses that knowledge to help out present day NYPD. In the premiere, he has a heart attack after chasing a suspect and dies at the hospital but then comes back to life when he's sent to the morgue, prompting him to think that the doctor that worked on him might be "the one". The story has so many good elements, but the pace is too slow. The lead actor, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau,  is better than I expected, even though I don't like the accent he has at times, but he's okay. The other actors are boring and one dimensional. What they discover about the people who have died is much more interesting than what is written for the main characters. But I watch anyway because I want to see what happens if she is "the one" or if we are watching him go through the same cycle all over again.

American Idol - This is the first year that I've watched all the way through, from the gag show to the auditions in Hollywood, to culling down from 24 - 12, and presumably to the end. Apparently, this is a great season. There were a few people that should have left the show early on (I'm talking to you Luke Menard), but at the same time, they all had very interesting voices and many of them are even very good. I think the people who have been voted off so far (except for Danny Noriega and Alexandrea Lushington during the weeks of culling from 24 - 12) has been right on target.  It will be interesting to see what happens, but my favourites right now are David Cook (I did like David Archuleta, but I am entertained every week by David Cook) and Carly Smithson.

Pussy Cat Dolls Presents: Girlicious - What can I say, this is the most entertaining train wreck I've ever seen. My husband made the mistake of working in the living room that night and ended up watching the entire show, not because it was really good or interesting, but because he couldn't believe that the show existed. His belief? Some of the girls will grow up an be embarrassed they were ever on the show. 

America's Next Top Model - A whole bunch of girls living in the house makes for more drama than we can handle - as they all vie for supermodeldom with us cheering them on. I like it because I like the drama. In the same vein, Make Me A Supermodel also did well, but I didn't like that who stayed and who left was up to the public. I wish that the experts in the field, not the people who were just picking people they liked, not people who did particularly well, would have chosen who stayed and who left. However, America did well by picking the model that actually had talent, Holly.

The Sarah Connor Chronicles - This was a midseason replacement, so it started with a limited amount of shows. However, what it did have was a great plot, a lot of action, and some twist and turns along the way. I loved both Summer Glau and Lena Headey in their roles. Nearly everyone else did a great job as well notably Brian Austin Green at Derek Reese, Kyle Reese's brother. The Sarah Connor Chronicles follows the events at the end of T2, offering an alternate timeline to T3.  For those of you who missed the show, download it from iTunes (or somewhere) or buy it when it comes out on dvd. Just make sure you're prepared when Season 2 comes.

SNL - It's actually got some really funny parts this year. I haven't watched the Christopher Walken one yet (it's waiting), but if you can find it on youtube.com, you should try to check it out. The video shorts (NOT the tv funhouse ones) are pretty funny, especially Ellen Page's one. Also, the I'm Dating Your Dad skit with that guy from Superbad...

Lost - What can I say? We are still not getting much more information, but we now know who the Oceanic 6 are, and with the show ending  in 2010, we know that each episode has some meaning in the hierarchy of the show and no episode is stalling for time. I can't wait for the final 5 shows and to find out how they got to where they are now.

Cashmere Mafia/Lipstick Jungle - So, Cashmere Mafia was cancelled and Lipstick Jungle was renewed. They both should have been cancelled, but I digress and hope that a writer's strike free season next year will help me see why LJ is still on our screens.

Bitch is the New Black

Okay, who didn't like SNL's return last Saturday? Tina Fey - Barack Obama - Spoofing There Will Be Blood and No Country For Old Men - Annuale - I laughed my ass off!

When Tina Fey got on to the American public for calling Hilary a bitch, I laughed. "Bitches get things done. She's a bitch!" Fey said, pointing to Amy Poehler who said, "Yeah, deal with it." before going on to add that Bitch is the New Black.

I loved that. I'm not a bitch per se, although I can see why some who know me would snicker at that, but I get things done. Sometimes that means inhabiting the space of "bitch" for a few minutes (or days) so that what needs to happen happens, but in the end, I'm a pretty nice person. But Hilary being (or not being as the case may be) a bitch was not where the controversy was.

Controversy started with the opening sketch, a pretty funny look at how nice the media has been to Obama (makes you think they're setting him up for something - like the fact that Bush just increased the deficit times 50) with hard hitting questions like "Is Senator Obama okay? Can we get you anything?" Obama was played by Fred Armisen and, as I watched, I found his look, his gestures and sometimes the words that he said were creepily close to Obama's. The problem? Armisen is not black. Check out this Washington Post article for more info and a clip of the sketch.

So, is it important? I found Armisen's impersonation funny and I realized, with the cast they have, that he was most likely the best choice. They added a new girl, so I believe Lorne Michael's assertion that they auditioned for the best Obama. While SNL is about being political and being edgy and being on top of pop culture, in the end, they care the most about being funny.

Do you think SNL was trying to comment on Obama's "blackness"? Does this highlight the lack of black cast members SNL has? If it does matter that the person portraying Obama isn't black, how much does it matter? Is it worth not being funny to be accurate? 

Despite the word being thrown around, Armisen's impersonation was not close at all to going blackface. 

So yeah, I found SNL's first outing after the writer's strike to be both controversial and funny. And for a comedy show, what more can you ask for?

Knight Rider

I love television, a little too much, sometimes. Sometimes, that's a good thing and sometimes, that a bad thing. It's really a bad thing when I like a show that my common sense tells me is not good. 

And that's the case with the new Knight Rider

Cons:

No Will Arnett, which threw Val Kilmer in at the last minute and he was stiff, even for a talking car.

Michael Knight may be the new Anakin Skywalker as portrayed by Hayden Christiansen (that is, he is a little baby when it comes to making man-like decisions)

Horrible storyline - How did Michael get involved in this? What did the billionaire's daughter and the bastard child have in common? And the excuse for not being with her? Lame! And the guy that's his mechanic? Comedy? Tragedy? I don't get it.

David Hasselhoff - It looked like they dragged him out of jail, threw him in a suit, and gave him his lines, then told him to get his ass off the set as quickly as possible. I mean, The Hoff is no DeNiro, but damn, he was at least believable once upon a time.

Pros:

The story is interesting, if not well written - Michael will travel all over the world stopping crime. I think that could take us, as viewers, to some interesting places.

KITT - all I have to say is DAMN! - Renewable outer shell nanobytes technobabble. I like it. And I like that we now have the technology to weaken KITT - people can hack into his system if need be. It's an interesting concept.

The Focus commercials - The commercials were well written. They were good. They gave KITT an electronic snarkiness we old fans of the original have come to love. Plus, they made Michael seem like less a degenerate and more like a man who makes decisions, but who doesn't mind being bested by a car - sometimes. And the concept of KITT being jealous of a focus and stalking Michael was too hilarious. I stopped to watch every commercial. The commercial gives me hope, even though I'm pretty sure they were written by ad execs rather than show writers. A girl can wish, can't she?

Okay, so there are more cons than pros. But I would still watch it for the same reason I watched the old one. For it's warm, cheesy, goodness. 

You Know You Want To Be On Television!

Two Casting Calls just went into effect...

If you love Bobby Flay and were a fan of his show Throwdown with Bobby Flay, then you might want to try out for the spin off of Throwdown, Grill It! - Bobby Flay is looking for male and female master grillers to cook alongside him. It is a non-competitive show and grillers from across the country are welcome to apply. If you think you have what it takes, go to bobbyflay.com and learn how to make your 3 minute tape. You will send personal stories detailing your grilling skills to grillitwithbobbyflay@gmail.com. Applications must be received by March 15.

I know there are a few of you out there with Top Model potential. I've seen you! So if you want to try out for Cycle 11 (Cycle 10 just began this week), then head to one of the try out cities. Casting begins in Boston on Saturday, Feb. 23 then moves to San Francisco on Feb. 26, Dallas - March 1, Atlanta - March 5, Chicago - March 8, New York - March 15, Miami - March 22 and Los Angeles - March 29. They are casting females age 18-27 of diverse backgrounds, shapes and sizes. You must be 5ft7in or taller. Go to cwtv.com for full details

American Idol and BBC

What do they have in common? I would like to say nothing, but right now, it looks like they will both be selling shows on iTunes for the first time. 

In a move that will prove to be a moneymaker for the reality show, each song that is performed by a hopeful singer will sell for $.99 and a video for each one will sell for $1.99. I wonder if they will be making an album out of each night's performance? That would be two albums a week for the group until they stop having same sex performance. For the show, this is a great idea. It will give people who missed their chance another opportunity to gripe and complain when Sanjaya makes it through another week. (Wait, that was last year?)

Which brings me to another question... will any of them be this year's Sanjaya?

BBC will be putting select shows on iTunes, although I'm not sure which shows will make it to the store... I'm hoping that my Saturday favourites, Doctor Who and Torchwood will make it. I mean, I DVR the shows, but it is nice to be able to own their seasons. I know a few people that hope Top Gear will make it. They've been following the show on YouTube. What BBC show do you hope will make it to iTunes USA?

So We're Back... But When?

Well, for all of you who are just chomping at the bit for new episodes from your old favourites, the networks have given out a few dates for returning series, so mark your DVRs. It's show time!

CBS returns so far include:

March 17 - The comedies How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men with 9 remaining episodes (eps) each

March 24 - CSI: Miami with 8 eps

March 30 - Cold Case with 5 eps

April 2 - Criminal Minds, CSI:NY with 7 eps each

April 3 - CSI, Without a Trace with 6 eps each

April 4 - Ghost Whisperer, Numbers with 6 eps each

April 8 - NCIS with 7 eps

April 11 - Moonlight with 4 eps

April 14 - Rules of Engagement with 6 eps

Shark, The Unit and Cane will remain on hiatus for mid season show launch, which include Dexter (YAY! - although I'm not sure how a butchered  Dexter episode will compare to the real thing because you won't get to see any... butchering that is.), Big Brother, and Jericho. They did begin production again for Swingtown, though it is still not scheduled.

NBC also announced return dates:

April 3 - My Name is Earl with a one hour episode

April 10 - 30 Rock, The Office, Scrubs and ER

April 15 - Law & Order: SVU

April 23 - Law & Order

Medium will keep it's current slot and finish out it's season. Other announcements are forthcoming. By the way, NBC did pick up Chuck and Life as well as Heroes for next season. All three will relaunch in the fall. 

Fox's premiere of New Amsterdam is slated to start March 4 and based on website dates, looks like its second episode will be just two days later. From there, it will air every Monday, possibly to replace Prison Break...

USA Network will premiere In Plain Sight with Mary McCormack - from the commercials, it looks to be a more humourous rendition of TNT's Saving Grace about a hard drinkin', hard lovin', hard ass police woman. In Plain Sight seems to be about a hard drinkin', hard lovin', hard ass US Marshall in the Witness Protection business. If it's anything like Burn Notice, you'll love it.

For Those of You Who Were Worried...

Networks have already announced the shows being picked up for the 2008-2009 season.

Heath, you'll be glad to know that Pushing Daisies made it through the strike, though new shows will likely wait until next season. Other shows that are coming back will be Brothers & Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Dirty Sexy Money, Grey's Anatomy, Lost, Private Practice, Samantha Who? and Ugly Betty. Grey, Desperate and Ugly will have new episodes this season, but Practice and the above mentioned Daisies will likely get a proper relaunch next season.

The CW has also decided to begin shooting and airing new episodes of One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, Supernatural, Reaper and Smallville. These episodes could be back as early as late March or early April. Gossip Girl will get an expanded order and a summer relaunch. Aliens in America and Everybody Hates Chris will not get new episodes - Chris completed their 22 episodes before the strike, Aliens completed 18.  Girlfriends didn't survive the strike, The Game will get about 8 more episodes to finish out the season and Life Is Wild won't go back into production nor will it be returning next season.

Boston Legal will likely return by next Wednesday. If it does, it will be the first show to return after the strike and if it does, it will likely finish out it's regular season.

Lost will most likely not be able to complete the 8 remaining episodes that's left to shoot for this season. They will be able to complete more like 5, but the crew at Lost feel like they can complete the storyline creatively and add the remaining shows into the next two seasons.

CBS will be moving forward with all the CSIs, NCIS, Without a Trace, Cold Case, Numbers, Criminal Minds, Ghost Whisperer and Moonlight. Comedies coming back on screen include Two and a Half Men, How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory (GACK!). CBS hopes to get the comedies out by mid March and the dramas by the first of April, producing 8 shows for comedies and 6-7 for dramas. Moonlight, being a new show, will likely have fewer episodes.

So far, Shark nor The Unit have received episode orders. They may just wait until next season. Cane will not resume production, but is positioned for renewal next season. Midseason drama Swingtown is set to undecided. Only a couple of episodes were produced. No word on The New Adventures of Old Christine or Rules of Engagement. CBS could air a few shows as late as June but nothing is set in stone.

Fox, of course, being the network it is, is pulling full steam ahead with scripted shows, honoring remaining shows and playing them into the summer. Serialized dramas like Prison Break will come back in the fall and 24 will start in January of next year. The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Canterbury's Law, mid season shows, will not shoot any new episodes but will finish out their episodes for the season.

NBC should bring back it's Thursday lineup of My Name is Earl, The Office, and 30 Rock - Scrubs is ending this season, so the network may order up a shortened episode count, but the show will wrap. ER will produce more episodes because of contractual obligations, airing in April. Law & Order: SVU will resume with new episodes and Medium will finish its season. Chuck will return, but not until later summer or early fall. Heroes will return in the fall. Bionic Woman and Journeyman will not resume and are considered cancelled. Life will probably start again in the fall.

Friday Night Lights - a show that SHOULD continue, is up in the air, as well as Las Vegas.  Las Vegas won't produce any new episodes, but could be renewed. NBC execs are still trying to figure out what to do with Friday Night Lights (KEEP IT, YOU IDIOTS). 

It's exciting to get our shows back, isn't it? Now, we no longer have to languish in the murky pool of mediocrity that most of the midseason shows offered us, eagerly hoping for Doctor Who re-runs and some hot man on man action on Torchwood. BBC America, you're the only thing that kept my hopes alive! Welcome back, American  writers. We missed you.

Also File Under Music To My Ears

The writers may be reaching an agreement with the AMPTP which could get us the rest of our season back for some shows. 

Tuesday, February 12, 2008, writers are voting whether or not they will end the strike during the ratification process. The voting is between 2-6pm at the WGAW and between 4-7pm at WGAE. If there is a majority yes vote, production of shows could begin as early as Wednesday, February 13.

The vote does not end the dispute that is going on between the writers and the companies of the AMPTP. The contract that has been drawn will require that every guild member read and vote on it and even the contract itself is not firm as writers and studio execs try to hammer out the language of the contract. While shows may be ongoing, any hitch in contract negotiations could result in halting the season again. 

So, for the sake of television and so I don't have to watch such dross as both of the Sex In the City clones (Lipstick Jungle, you gave me what I expected and Cashmere Mafia, I expected better from you!), so I can see all of LOST and the Sarah Connor Chronicles, I say hurray for working during ratification... but for the sake of getting paid for the work you do, I say, take your time writers, take your time.

Music To My Ears!

I've been hearing some rumbles that Battlestar Galactica (BSG) would play its last full season online, which would have been wrong, just wrong. 

Fortunately for us, BSG will get started Friday, April 4 at 10pm on the SciFi Channel. The week before, March 28, they will do a "catch up" show for those of you who want to get into the show, but have never watched it. Of course, the catch up isn't as good as watching the miniseries and the first three seasons, but I would definitely recommend it. 

BSG doesn't do anything that other science fiction in outer space shows didn't do. It fictionalizes contemporary issues to give us a different view of what it means to be at war. Because, on the surface, BSG is about war, the consequences of war, and starting over when the enemy is among you and around you. But ultimately, it is about how we handle war and whether we preserve or lose our humanity in it. There are big picture and small picture things, humour mixed in it all and whether you find yourself avidly against or on the fence when it comes to the "bad guys", you have to admit that this is one entertaining show. 

Super Bowl 42... Commercials

The Super Bowl can either be exciting or a dud. Whichever it chooses to be can't usually be helped, but it is a crying shame when the commercials are bad. I mean, advertisers know that the Super Bowl is coming. It only happens once a year. To have a bad commercial seems to be asking for lack of success for the rest of the year. This year's commercials were fair, better than last year at least. I laughed at a couple, chuckled at a few, scratched my head at most and wrote almost all of them down.

1. Bud Light and the ability to breathe fire - it was funnier when Dairy Queen did it
2. The new Audi R8 killing old luxury's grill and putting it in that guy's bed a la the Godfather... okay, I laughed at that scream, but it wasn't that great.
3. Diet Pepsi Max, "What is Love" commercial was really dumb
4. Sales Genie.com - Ummmmmmm
5. Sarah Connor Chronicles - Kick Ass!
6. Bud light cheese run - Lame
7. UnderArmour - What the Hell?
8. House after the Superbowl - YES!
9. Bridgestone - Animals Screaming - Dumb
10. Doritos - Message From Your Heart - She crashed the SuperBowl, but I know female singer songwriters right here that sound better. (You know who I'm talking about Macon!)
11. Unhitched - Oh.My.God. Dumb.
12. Sarah Connor Chronicles - The Terminator Robot beating up the NFL Robot - Kick Ass!

Touchdown Patriots - Boo!

13. Gatorade - They figured out a way to get Peyton Manning into the game...
14. GoDaddy.com - Danica Patrick Exposure. Sex continues to sell domain names
15. Buy Dell. Join (RED). Save Lives. Have people pat your butt as you walk by!
16. Giant Carrier Pigeon - Let's choose FedEx - scary.
17. So unfunny, I immediately forgot it while watching the next commercial (later learned it was cars.com and the Plan B circle of fire)
18. Stain on the shirt commercial - Tide To Go - hilarious!

FRAKKIN' Turnover! Patriots now have the ball.

19. Anheuser Busch Horse training - Animals getting along. Cute.
20. IronMan Trailer - YES!

21. Corolla forocious badgers - Ummmmmmm
22. Leatherheads - George Clooney movie. More to come.
23. Garmin - Napoleon commercial. Next.

24. Career Builder follow your heart commercial. Somewhat gross.
25. Life Water - Thriller Dancing lizards. WTF?
26. Anti Drug commercial - dealers are usually people kids know, not some joker on the street.

27. A hybrid Yukon from GMC commercial that started out as an inspirational, never give up, pep talk.
28. Bud Light Commercial - Accents are sexy, but commercials about it are not. Why is Carlos Mencia still doing commercials?

29. Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian - Hottie.
30. Planters.com - Cashews make anyone sexy.
31. Charles Barkley put Dwayne Wade in his fave five and is annoying. Mildly amusing, causing a chuckle.
32. Tom Brady - United Way - Get Fit.

33. Justin Timberlake - Pepsi Commercial. Every drink brings him closer. Or a big screen TV. Which you want depends on who you are.
34. Doritos Mousetrap with the first song from the opera Carmen in the background - I laughed because a giant rat burst through the wall and I didn't expect it.

What did you think of the halftime show? A friend said that he liked Tom Petty and will stop and listen if he hears one of his songs, but that he has never once intentionally played a Tom Petty song.

35. Cars.com commercial Plan B- Head Shrinker. The only interesting thing about this commercial is that T.J. Thyne, Dr. Jack Hodgins on Bones, was the car buyer.
36. Sales Genie.com panda bear
37. Shaquille O'Neal riding Chunk of Love by Vitamin water - more butt slapping
38. Terminator Robot vs. Fox NFL Robot - Awesome

39. Caveman bud light commercial - Boo
40. Carmen Electra Ice Cubes Gum - I don't even know why this commercial was made.
41. Bridgestone - Possibly hitting Richard Simmons with the car was only slightly more funny than almost hitting that squirrel earlier.
42. Career Builder Spider eats the singing cricket. Jiminy Cricket!
43. Sarah Conner Chronicles - Good place to advertise for tomorrow
44. Hyundai Genesis
45. Wall-E - ???

46. Jumper - That trailer is so bad...
47. E-Trade Baby - I laughed at the spit up part.
48. Bud Light - The ability to fly no longer available - C'mon Bud Light!

49. Sunsilk - Make Hair Happen... I'm pretty sure Marilyn Monroe had nothing to do with Sunsilk.
50. Stewie vs. UnderDog for the Coke only to be beaten out by Charlie Brown - Something good happened to Charlie Brown...
51. Terminator Commercial - ingenious

52. Bill Frist, James Carville share a coke and get along, for a change, all over Washington D.C.
53. Toyota Sequoia

54. You Don't Mess with the Zohan - Interesting...
55. Mother! - Sarah Connor Chronicles - Alright! YES, there is a new episode tomorrow after last week's re-run (a re-run after only THREE episodes aired???), so watch it!
56. New House after the game - Again, YES!

57. Baby E-Trade Rents a Clown - Confirms clowns are creepy.
58. Taco Bell - Fiesta Platters - Accents are sexy.
59. Man's best friend Gatorade commercial - are we to assume the dog was eagerly scarfing Gatorade? Gross.

60. Bud Light - Jackie Moon of Semi Pro messing up the lines... My favourite? Bud Light - Suck on it!
61. Hyundai Genesis
62. Ocho Cinco helps advertise the Moment of Truth a new show that looks like a reason for people to get more embarrassed on television for money

63. Victoria Secret - sexy woman holding football and don't forget Valentine's Day (GACK!)
64. Amp - A guy starting a car by attaching jumper cables to his nipples, dancing and starting a car up. I am not really sure what to say about that.
65. Ben Rothlisberger ruining The Pina Colada Song - American Idol commercial

And that's how the Giants win the SuperBowl - The biggest game of the year, frakkin' up the Patriot's perfect season.

You can re-watch any of the commercials at myspace.com/superbowlads

LOST Returns! (there will be spoilers)

The biggest event in television history happened last night and because I believe everything I hear on television, I thought that there would be a two hour season premiere.

So I decided to have a premiere party; a few close friends, some Doritos, Dharma Initiative beer (which turned out to be Taproom 21, Red Stripe and Bud Light, of all things), and a lot of excitement as we gathered around the television hoping at least ONE thing from last season would be answered.

ABC lied. There was no 2 hour season premiere. The first hour was a recap of the last 3 seasons. If you're a real fan, you've been watching. If you're not, it will be awfully hard to catch up. And did anyone else see the Pop Up Video last season finale they played on Wednesday? What did you think of that? The consensus around the telly last night was that it was annoying.

So, once we got over the disappointment of losing an hour of our finale, we got back to excited that it was finally on! We see an interstate police chase. When the police chase the car down, out jumps Hurley. The police tell him to get on the ground. He tries to outrun them. He doesn't make it. We find out only 6 returned. The police question Hurley back at the station, he sees water crashing through the viewing glass, with Charlie trying to swim in, "They Need You" written on his hand. The officer who tried questioning him says he could put him in the mental institute and Hurley hugs the angry cop (who was Anna Lucia's partner once) as we flash back to the Island, where everyone finds out Charlie died, Hurley sees Jacob's house - and possibly Jacob - meets up with Locke, who gets the cold shoulder from everyone but Hurley. Jack and company finally meet up with Sayid and company and Locke. Jack tries to shoot Locke in the head, but Locke apparently carries a gun with no bullets.

Now we flash forward again (or is the island now the flashback of the current, present story?) to Hurley in the mental institute, a creepy black guy (Lance Reddick) is trying to get him to a "better place", but Hurley gets suspicious. Before the guy leaves, he asks, "Are the others alive?" Hurley jumps up and runs away, screaming that the guy is bothering him. Creepy black guy sneaks off as if he was never there.

Hurley sees dead Charlie, who tells him that he's trying to avoid his responsibility, but Hurley makes him go away. Back on the island, Hurley chooses to follow Locke, trusting Charlie's warning, along with Claire and the baby, Sawyer, Rousseau, Alex, Karl, and Ben. Everyone else stays with Jack, although Kate worries that Sawyer doesn't. Jack and Kate go back to the plane to meet the person coming to save them.

Flash forward to the future, Hurley is shooting hoops, not missing and Jack shows up. Although he claims to want to know how he's doing, he's really there to see if Hurley "told". Hurley says he didn't, but he thinks the Island wants them to go back. He also apologizes for going with Locke, saying he should have stayed with Jack.

Now, I didn't tell the sequence of events the way they happened, just how I remembered them, mainly to bring up some interesting points. Now, I haven't gone to all of those LOST sites that popped up when the series began in a long time (although I did get a "happy birthday" email from The Fuselage), but I have not lost that sense of trying to figure out what the hell is going on. While last night's premiere felt more like a commercial for the show and brought up more questions and no answers, we still sat around trying to figure things out like:

1. Who are the 6 that returned? We know that Kate, Jack and Hurley are back, we presume Claire is (and would they count baby Aaron as one as well?) because of Desmond's prediction, but who else? And if only 6, what happened to the others AND the Others? Are they all now just the Others?

2. What is Hurley supposed to do? How did Hurley, who went with Locke, end up rescued when they were going to hunker down at Camp Others? Why is dead Charlie trying to get him to go back? Who is creepy black dude?

3. If Hurley is sorry he went with Locke, what in the hell happened when those people came down. At the end of last year's finale, Jack says they never should have left the Island. Yet something terrible must have happened to the people who wanted to stay if Hurley is sorry he went with Locke. Which one is it for frak's sake?

4. If the people who found them weren't searching for them and wasn't Penny, why are they there?

5. What exactly happened with Locke? Will he be the next Ben?

6. Who is Jacob and why is he also in Hurley's imagination? (I have to admit, I jumped when the eye popped up in front of the hole Hurley was looking through and then again when he ran for the hills only to find himself back at that spooky cabin.)

We all sat in silence staring at the screen as the word LOST flew towards us, knowing that's how we all felt: Lost. We didn't learn anything more - yes, it was nice watching the characters and getting excited about the story and seeing Jack almost shoot Locke in the head - but this did us no good because we have to come back next week and pick up on a story that is only 8 episodes long at the present time and as chock full of information as the previous 3 seasons have been.

I am glad they have an ending date. The storytelling this season, while lacking information, was crisp and didn't drag even as they withheld infomation. Season 3 had many more episodes that dragged as the show tried to work out what it's future would be. Once they knew that there were only 48 episodes left (three short seasons of 18 episodes that play back to back with no breaks) ,they were able to put the story in perspective and now, the writing for the premiere makes me think they are back on track.

If you haven't gotten into Lost, I recommend you record the current season and just do marathon sessions of the first 3 seasons. I think it would be worth your time to do so.

The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Part 2 - Tin Man

"A shooter with some kind of robot leg."

My husband watched last night's premiere of The Sarah Connor Chronicles with me. He thought there were a lot of corny lines in the premiere, like the one above. Too many corny lines in the premiere means not a very good series, he thought, since the premiere is usually the best episode of a given season.

John struggles with being cooped up, everyone is suffering "time lag" (like jet lag, but from traveling in time), and Sarah is wanting to remain anonymous as long as possible. Other than a completely innocuous scene where John can't find the turkey (such a TRUE stereotype) in the fridge, even though it's right there, had me scratching my head. Did they want us to know that he was the son and she was the mom? Uh, got that one.

I wonder how, in chase scenes like the one where Cameron (Glau) is chasing the unknown Terminator through the alleys, that Sarah (Headey) could drive around and come out perfectly in front of the guy ? I drove for about 15 miles to go in a circle the other day, only to end up about 1/2 a mile from where I started. Bleh, I wish I had tv's sense of direction.

So John decided to read about what happened to them and ends up at the home of his mom's ex fiance, although, can you be ex if you never official broke up, even though you officially left?

I think my next answering machine message is going to be "You've reached the future of mankind. Leave a message!"

Oh well, the second episode dragged a bit all over with a few good parts in the middle. I liked the head and the body coming back online and the body stealing the head of a dead Chet. I think the worse scene, even including the turkey scene, is when cyborg body with Chet head walks into the junkman's "home". I will continue to watch a) because of the potential and b) because of the strike.

P.S. Spotted: Penny from lost as EMT's Charley's wife.

P.S.

Michael Lopez from Fox 24 scares me just a little bit.

Kyle XY - The Return of the Thing

So, Kyle XY finishes up this summer's storyline which starts right after Jessie jumps. Kyle wants to save her, but he can't because Foss stops him. We quickly wrap up Baylin's possible recovery and getting Foss out of the picture before we head to the heart of the matter. Madacorp.

But first, Kyle has to tell the Tragers all. And like any tv family, they are very understanding and right away craft a plot to take down Madacorp. Of course, the plan fails and... well, SURPRISE.

There are a lot of banal bits in this... is it a premiere? half-miere? season 2.5? Anyway, it's the set up, wrapping up the summer season's plot line and starting a new one. If the rest of the season plays like this... season 2.5 miere... then I'll only be watching because it's something new in the midst of the strike, but if it plays like the "coming up on Kyle XY", it will be good.

We Interrupt This TV Blog...

For the DSRL... Okay, I know Peyton Manning is in a few too many commercials, but I have to say, the 2 sport Peyton and Eli Manning are funny in this one. Not only are they playing in the National Football League, but also in the Double Stuf Racing League. In the middle of an empty football field, Eli and Peyton are licking the crap out of a double stuffed oreo (Peyton gets called for a violation) when Eli wonders, "Are we making a big mistake?" As far as comedic commercials about cookies go, this was too funny by far. I think the best part is the mom clapping while the dad looks completed befuddled. She sure loves her boys!

Okay, back to Kyle XY and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Veronica Mars: FBI

I was one of those people who checked every tv site daily at the end of last season to see if Veronica Mars would have a 4th season. Even if it was another year at college, which did not have the same pop as her high school years, but which did have all the things I loved, the sarcasm, the wit, the truisms, and Kristen Bell, it would still be great - the writing was always great. I didn't fall in love with LoVe, (although I did fall for Piz and followed him over to the frothy Private Practice) but I did like the Logan/Veronica dynamic and I have to say, even at its most awkward, I missed it. Then we hear that it was possible they would skip many years (many being, like, 6) into the future with Veronica as an FBI agent and I knew there was no way we wouldn't see THAT in this current season on the CW.

But CW proved me wrong and with its head stuck up its butt, chose the "fast forward to the future" version of One Tree Hill. Now, since I judge books by their covers and movies by their trailers, I also judge tv by its "on the next [insert show name here]" and there's no way I could imagine watching One Tree Hill. Yes, Chad Michael Murray was charming as the prep snob who falls for Rory in Gilmore Girls, but not charming enough for me to following him to OTH. But the Legion of the Young have spoken and One Tree Hill stayed on the air while our insightful, delectable, and owe so deliciously cynical Veronica Mars (I miss you Enrico Colantoni) was given the boot.

Youtube. It's pretty much everybody's friend. I don't play on youtube as much as my fellows, I don't get a video of the day, I check my digg feeds on my phone so it's as simple as possible. I used to watch shows on their websites and anything I want to watch, I record. I watch so much video, I felt I didn't need to become addicted to youtube as well. So, forgive me if you've already seen these but:



AND



How in the WORLD could you not pick that show up?

The Sarah Connor Chronicles

I have a bit of a Firefly bias. So when I see that any of the cast are going to be in something, I make sure to set the DVR to record. The Sarah Connor Chronicles was one of those shows, starring Summer Glau, who played River Tam in the Firefly series and in the movie Serenity.

Looking a little too old to be a school girl, with a bit of the amygdala stripped River in her eyes, she plays artificial intelligence well. But The Sarah Connor Chronicles is not as much about the action as it is about the relationship between mother and son when the worst is expected at every turn. Oh, the action is great. Glau's performance as the butt kicking ultimate weapon from Serenity comes into play here as well (we love those high kicks) as Cameron, the butt kicking ultimate protector created by Future John Connor to protect Past John Connor. Lena Headey, as Sarah Connor, does a good job of being a bad-ass too and you almost don't miss Linda Hamilton. Almost. John Connor, played by Thomas Dekker, does not act like a kid that has been hunted and knows he will continue to be hunted. But he does act like a kid, and his reactions, at least from the 1st hour, ring true. Richard T. Jones plays FBI agent James Ellison, who has been tracking Connor since Dyson died at the end of T2, believing her to be Dyson's murderer. Owain Yeoman plays the bad terminator, although I hear that he will be replaced by Garrett Dillahunt, most recently seen as Matthew Ross on the 4400. I liked Owain Yeoman in The Nine as the more sympathetic brother of the robber pair that trapped everyone in the bank.

Yes, the action was great. Lots of explosions, chases, fights, Terminators destroying bank vaults, Terminators getting hit by trucks, Terminators pulling guns from their legs and shooting other Terminators... yes, there was action. But I think that the story for The Sarah Connor Chronicles will be more about the relationship between mother and son, a mother who loves her son so much, she will do anything to save him, even if that means that he hates her now, rather than see him not be aware and die. It will be an interesting dynamic between this family, with the mother not sure if she can trust the female Terminator, the son not sure if he wants to be or can be the resistance leader everyone says he will be, and a Terminator who is more human than we might know.

The Sarah Connor Chronicles, on Fox Mondays at 9pm... after Prison Break... where they try to break out of prison... again... bleh.

11 Days In...

Well, I made it to the 11th Hour's Readers' Choice Awards and here's what I saw:

Chris Horne looking silly in a frilly shirt, then looking crazy in an ugly shirt, then looking damn good in a suit and tie (you clean up good, son!)

Dusko Wo turning downtown into Mac Town Down. It was live up in the Capitol!

Jared Wright throwing down when it was his turn to play in the singer songwriter showcase. I will definitely be checking Red Swill out on January 24 at 550 Blues.

UFOs Over Denmark killing the stage. Those guys really rocked my socks off.

Market City Cafe and Marco (my two favourite restaurants) winning awards!

Ben Jones' relative humidity joke in front of a rabbi

The list could go on. Tonight, it will not.

So the "unofficial" after party was at the Red Eye Tavern, but I'd already made the decision to finally check out the Dirty Iguana. First of all, the prospect of the Dirty Iguana was kind of daunting. It's way the heck out of walking distance and though I love my downtown and feel comfortable walking just about anywhere, walking from the lights of Cherry Street to the almost forbidding and industrial looking Plum has stopped me until I had this resolve. So I do it up Doctor Who style. I throw on a suit, put on my converse and I head to the door.

The bouncer turns me away. He doesn't like my shoes. Fortunately for me, the other guys did and because I'm such a lovely girl, I get to go in, converse and all. I mean, don't make me pull out my sonic screwdriver. I'll make my own door! For the 1 person that got that joke, thank you. I definitely watch too much tv. When I got in, I was like, "Why in the heck is he turning people away? Nobody's here!" Of course, I broke the cardinal rule of clubbing, which is showing up at 10. Everyone knows you don't get to the club until 2 hours before it closes. But that's okay though. I had the bartender all to myself.

Of course, I'm meeting new people left and right and I am finding out interesting things about the club, insight into the keen minds of the owners and their staff. I also put dollar bills in dancing girls' socks, but that's a story for another time.

I really enjoyed myself at the Dirty Iguana. If you're not self conscious (and who wouldn't be with the world standing in a big circle staring at anyone who dares to dance?) this place is great. Every place I've been has a small ass dance floor that, when the party gets going, you start elbowing people in the face because it's so crowded. And I'm tall. And sometimes, when I'm not wearing converse, I'm wearing heels. But this place has a LOT of space, so it's fun for those of us who are freaks, or married, or both, who like to just get out and dance. And the DJ was phenomenal. I would say DJ Andre rocks my world, but there's a certain Honey that wouldn't like that, so I'll say DJ Andre rocks my dance floor.

The drinks were good and the tender remembered my propensity for sweet and kept them coming. And by them, I mean the 3 drinks I had because I'm a lightweight.

I'm glad I didn't miss the Awards or this night. Dirty Iguana has a $5 cover charge,$6 dollar drinks (at least on Thursdays, I'll find out about Saturday) and a whole lotta fun, after 10. (Did you catch my tv reference, since this is a tv blog?)

We Now Interrupt This Schedule...

Tonight is a night that we won't see in a long time. A night when our old favourites are all new, episodes held back to tide us over in the new year while the Writer's Strike is on-going.

Tonight, we'll have new episodes of Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, and Big Shots (bleh!) on ABC. CBS will have new episodes of CSI and Without a Trace, while NBC has My Name is Earl, 30 Rock, and ER. Grey's shows the aftermath of "The Kiss" but will be the last show until the writers finish striking. CSI has Shooter Jennings, Jewel, John Wayne's grandson and illegal bull breeding (if that doesn't make you want to watch, I don't know what will). On 30 Rock, Kenneth gets hooked on coffee (and if that isn't a laugh riot, I don't know what could be!)

For me, though, I will be watching the music and the rockin' the vote - well, I already voted - at the 11th Hour's Readers Choice Awards. Starting at 7, January 10, 2008, and for only 5 bucks, we get to hear the sweet sounds of Hank Vegas, Dusko Wo, 2 Finger Jester (rad band from a hot 80s birthday party earlier this year), Scott Baston, Aaron Irons, Magnificent Bastard, UFOs Over Denmark, and more and more at Cox Capitol Theatre. Doors open at 6:30pm.

MerDer, Kenneth and Betty will have to wait for me, crowded on the DVR with Torchwood, Cashmere Mafia and the Desperate Housewives that I still haven't caught up with. I'll see you at the Reader's Choice Awards.